Parenting

Dear Yamaha

Bass Guitar

Dear Yamaha,

I have been the proud user and owner of the Yamaha RBX170 bass guitar (in metallic red) for around a year now and whilst I was impressed by both the sound quality and affordability I have of late become overawed by the general quality of the build and its resistance to dribble.

Now, I now what you’re thinking and no, I haven’t had a load of dental work done. Basically, around 8 months or so we had a lodger move in. What started as a bit of extra company turned into a nightly blight on our sleep patterns with screaming being the norm. His barely vocalised demands for food was unrelenting. And, without wishing to lower the tone, there have been times when he has literally crapped himself leaving us to clear it up.

Additionally, most people seem to have the aim of improving their financial status when someone takes up residence in an unused room, chipping in to pay the mortgage or cover the rent. At the very least offering to help out with the weekly shop. Unfortunately, in our particular case, this has not happened. Indeed, if anything this lodger has cost us money since moving in.

A nightmare scenario, I’m sure you would agree.

Recently this expensive and disruptive behaviour has only got worse. As the months moved on the lodger has started to get into areas that were previously off-limits. This includes things such as electrical wiring, the Playstation and, as you may have guessed, where I keep my Yamaha RBX170 bass guitar (in metallic red).

Now I’d be the first to encourage anyone to take up the playing of an instrument, especially one as well made and as inexpensive as the Yamaha RBX170 bass guitar (in metallic red) however, the lodger demands his go just as I’m getting into my groove. Which is annoying to say the least.

What’s worse is that my wife (and others) have stated that he is much cuter when playing my Yamaha RBX170 bass guitar (in metallic red) than I am. This is the kind of emotional pain that doesn’t heal easily.

Not only that, but the lodger hasn’t really grasped the finesse of playing the bass guitar and just kind of smashes at the strings and laughing like he’s invented punk. And he hasn’t. Everyone knows that punk was invented in 1975 by Reg Simpson and Steve Carrington at the Red Lion pub in Newmarket when the landlord bet them that they couldn’t use three chords and draw a crowd. Four weeks they played for. They were never recognised.

Of course, this was before Napster. Bet they’d make it these days. Zane Lowe would play them.

Anyway, one day I was playing my trusty Yamaha RBX170 bass guitar (in metallic red) and the bloody lodger shuffles along the floor and without saying a word grabs the neck and started biting at the fretboard.

Biting!

Suffice to say, I was repulsed by his actions – not least because frets 1 through 4 were by this point, utterly unplayable due to the massive pooling of saliva that had been deposited. If I’m honest, it was his attitude that really grated. He does these things without a by-your-leave for the duration of his own personal amusement and then drops whatever object has caught his fleeting attention to the floor to be picked up by muggins here.

Frankly, I was miffed. Not least because I was in the middle of perfecting my 28 minute post-rock soundscape I’ve called ‘Don Quixote’s Truths Are Lies: Megatron Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me, Chapter IV’ but also because if there’s anything I learnt in my time as a poolside lifeguard it’s that water and electrical equipment just doesn’t mix. Don’t make toast at the pool people. That’s my advice. 

Eventually, I prised my prized Yamaha RBX170 bass guitar (in metallic red) from his grubby little hands and checked that it still worked. I was filled with trepidation, I mean, I know it’s a relatively low cost instrument but I can’t be forking out for new ones every time the lodger decides that he wants to munch on a four-string. I’m not made of money.

Look at that, without even asking he's all over my bass. I bet he's got dribble and mashed baby rice in the pots.

Look at that, without even asking he’s all over my bass. I bet he’s got dribble and mashed baby rice in the pots.

You’ll be pleased to hear that it did so without issue. Despite being utterly soaked, bitten, clubbed and dropped the guitar lives on with no perceptible change in playability or tone.

Well done Yamaha for producing not just a great bit of bass guitar kit but also having the wherewithal to ensure that it would stand up to the frankly unpredictable nature of humanity. I would go as far as to say that, come the apocalypse, the Yamaha RBX170 bass guitar (in metallic red) will keep me and fans of post-rock soundscapes entertained for a number of years.

Well, until the mutants attack at least.

Yours truly,

Andy Thain

TasteHitch.com

 

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12 thoughts on “Dear Yamaha

  1. Points have been earned. Bass guitar! In my “air band” fantasies, I am always the bass player…in my bluegrass fantasies, I play a stand up. You’re welcome.

    Like

  2. This is just a taste of what’s to come, like a preview at the Cinema. One day you’ll be so glad you kept these chronicles of his explorations and adventures.
    You know an American fellow named Dave Berry collected his Dad stories in books and can now afford to replace all the stuff his kids demolished whilst growing up.
    Cheers

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My first flute was a Yamaha and it was very good value for money. I’ve since moved on to an Altus flute and well that is a whole different story. The Altus is like the magic flute. It surprises even me, what I can do with it.
    Leslie

    Like

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