Thailand

When a Cobra Strikes

It all started a couple of weeks ago. Our neighbour Tim (the only other Englishman on the mooban) wondered over, trailing cigarette smoke as he did.

“Hello mate,” he said casually “just noticed we’ve got a King Cobra under the house, so…” he paused to shrug like a mechanic who had to suddenly charge you way above the quote, “you know; just watch yourself.”

 

The cold dead eyes of a killer From www.myinterestingfact.com

The cold dead eyes of a killer
From http://www.myinterestingfacts.com

 

I got inside, told the wife and started looking up online firearms merchants in the greater Bangkok area.

After plotting the location of machine gun nests, Claymore anti-personnel mines and flamethrowers (all triggered by remote) my wife calmed me down, brought me tea and said that it would be fine. That the snake wouldn’t come over here and look, the security guards are dealing with it right now.

I looked out of the window and sure enough a small posse of green clad security guards had surrounded our neighbours’ house, SWAT style, and were spraying Raid into a hole.

I wasn’t sure the efficacy of Raid on reptiles so shouted through the firmly shut windows that they should use a flamethrower and that they would be welcome to use mine once it had been delivered. Once again the wife held my hand, stoked my hair and made shushing noises until I’d stopped yelling.

A week passed and I’d calmed down, there was no more snake based news. Clearly the can of Raid was effective in killing snakes (top tip).

And then we found a dead cat in the garden.

By this point we’d realised that we were under siege, the snake was no longer a mindless creature of the night moving merely to hunt, but a cold and calculating killer, toying with us for its own amusement. We would surely end up dead unless we found a solution. So we asked the only person we really trust to give us straight advice; our maid.

“Kafir limes” she said having already scattered a large collection of them around our house, “keeps snakes away” she added with a knowing nod. I don’t know if it works but we are still not dead and that can only be a good thing.

In the mean time I’ll keep the flamethrower handy.

Just in case.

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21 thoughts on “When a Cobra Strikes

  1. Hahaha! That’s fantastic! Not making light of the deadliness though. We have issues like this here, but cobras just seem scarier for some reason. My husband made a weapon for our house when we were being invaded by very large brown snakes and taipans. A blade on the end of a very long pole, did the trick. As a less up close option I hear Guinea Fowl are fantastic snake deterrents. Maybe you need a pet Mongoose!!!

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  2. They sprayed raid on a king cobra? Doesn’t exactly inspire confidence does it! I hope that your maid is correct and that the limes are a suitable deterrent, although like you I would prefer something more proactive like a chainsaw or a flamethrower!

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  3. Poor kitty! Maybe you should get some chickens, so the king cobra goes for them instead of you all. Yeah, I remember when I lived in the bamboo woods, how often I’d see snakes and my cat “playing” with them. No, Romeo, No! Very scary, indeed. Keep a shovel handy – my uncle killed a snake with one.

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  4. I think you should keep whispering things until the snake comes closer to hear what the hell you’re saying, then hit it with Lani’s shovel. Just a thought.

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  5. In India, there is this pesticide that keeps all insects and snakes at bay. I think it is called Phorate. However, it is highly toxic and should be used with utmost caution. We also have a few rat snakes lurking in the bushes…but then, we have pets and other fauna. So no phorate for us. I hope your snake issue gets solved…cobra is dangerous!

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  6. I had to pop back in because I’ve been wondering whatever happened to this cobra? Did he just decide to go live with someone else for awhile? Did you find a way to send him off to that great snake-charming school in the sky? All I know is living that close to one doesn’t strike me as the ideal situation.

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    • I don’t know why it took me so long to reply…I blame the cats.

      Stupid cats.

      Anyway, no more to report. We are all alive which I suppose could be considered a ‘result’. Haven’t seen any more of the evil thing so I assume that it is gone.

      However, assume does tend to make an ass of u and me so perhaps I shouldn’t be too complacent…

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