I read something today that made me angry. Which is unusual because (as many of my family and friends will attest) I am one laid back chap.

That which induced my ire was a blog post written by an expat based on Phuket – she was bemoaning the lack of availability of her favourite brand of make up. I read it with the knowing smile of someone who has lived in Asia for over four years. Yep, all those products that look like the ones you can get back home but have whitening cream in them. It can be a nightmare.

I remember being in China and trying to find suncream that was just suncream without any chemical that would make me look like I was in a death metal band. My Chinese is pretty bad and the conversation went like this:

Me: Hello. [points at suncream] Don’t want white, don’t want white.
Shop lady: Well…that one’s blue.
Me: [Pointing animatedly at suncream and then at my forearm] No white, don’t want white.
Shop Lady: [Wordlessly picks a random bottle off the shelf and hands it to me] Please go away now.

Feeling triumphant I went home with my non-whitening suncream only to peel off the chinese sticker and see, in English – bold as brass – ‘Ultra-Mega White “Look Like a Corpse!”

I was very quick to point the finger of blame. At myself.

Had I have made more of an effort to learn Mandarin beyond the ‘more beer, thanks’ then I would have been more successful. But I didn’t, so I wasn’t.

Part of living as an expat is an acceptance that people will struggle to understand you and that things are not like home. That’s rather the point.

Unfortunately, the blogger in question has spectacularly failed to understand this key aspect of living in a foreign place. Her post very quickly moved from an amusing story of cultural miscommunication to a childish and ignorant rant about how come Thai people don’t speak better English and how life is hard and why it’s more expensive to buy Western goods here and oh my god it’s…so…unfair.

Petulant, poorly written (which is ironic) and just plain dumb. Something to perhaps be written off as someone having a bad day. Happens to the best of us.

The thing is this is just a tiny example of a wider issue that seems to affect long-term expats living in Thailand. To wit, the sudden and real loss of all logical thought, manners and respect for the people around them.

Take Sandra. Her life up until this point has been somewhat standard. Lived in the same area her entire life, married a guy she met at university and settled down with two kids of secondary school age. Had a part-time job in doctor’s surgery. Might have one too many glasses of port at Christmas. A comfortable, if not extravagant, life.

Suddenly the husband gets a job transfer to Thailand and her life is so utterly different. She has a maid, a nanny, a driver. Her children now go to a major international school and are surrounded by the Thai equivalent of aristocracy. She is surrounded by other expats ladies ‘what lunch’ and now regularly goes out until 3am most weekends. It starts as a novelty, the maid, and the nanny and the driver are so polite.

But very quickly what was unusual, fresh and exciting become de rigour. The politeness of the few Thai people she converses with now seems to be obsequiousness and that fawning deference seems right and proper. “Oh I told the maid five times that she needs to clean the whole underside of the table with an exact blend of linseed and bee’s wax but she just didn’t get it, kept mixing up the ratios. They really are like children at times. Oh, another G and T? At nine-thirty in the morning? I shouldn’t but I will, it is Tuesday after all.” Then it’s a just a hop, skip and a jump to an inflated sense to self-worth. Entitlement creeps in and colours all of her interactions with people from the check-out girl at the supermarket to her daughter’s teachers. Because no one tells her to go to hell and grow some manners she continues unabated, a singularity of indignant racism dressed in the mask of cultural superiority.

Slowly but inexorably she will be persuaded that she should invest in some plastic surgery her physical appearance will come to resemble the grotesque nature of her character. It should look like an improvement but becomes a chilling warning against the over use of Botox. Her facial expression is akin to a surprised tuna, her breasts are so heavily augmented that they are able to independently flag down a taxi in stormy weather, her nails so long and plastic that she could stand in for Wolverine.

The only point at which this facade is in jeopardy is on return visits to her home nation. Former friends will be confronted with an arrogant, tanned, remodelled version of their old tennis partner who they have increasing less in common with. This only goes to reinforce the idea of isolation and superiority. “They just don’t get how hard it is”.

We all encounter frustrations when living the expat life. Sometimes it can be something as simple as an inability to buy Lemsip when you feel sick. Or the driving. Or the bureaucracy. The danger comes when that frustration moves into intemperate judgement. The yardsticks of money and western individualism become dangerous barometers when used to place value on a section of society for whom these things are alien.

Ultimately, being an expat means accepting and adapting to the culture and society you now live in rather than attempting to strong-arm your idea of society onto a culture that is a thousand years old. If that means you need to drive like it’s a demolition derby then so be it, if you need to smile and bow when you want to punch someone in the face then do it, if you have to spend four hours in a queue to renew your driving licence then you’d better suck it up and take a book.

And if you going to have an apoplexy when you can’t find your favourite brand of mascara, then maybe you should go home.


  1. Very well written. I enjoyed it and unfortunately, I’m a little familiar with the #firstworldproblems expats, too. Although, I think expat families probably experience more of that. I can’t bring myself to get a maid and I can’t imagine having a driver. I’m working class. My mom is Thai. But yes, things can get challenging and frustrating, but I think if it’s getting that bad (mascara???) then it’s time to think about what you want from life. Just because you travel doesn’t mean you’re worldly kind of thing…


    1. Hey Lani, thanks for the props (as the kids say these days…I think).

      Your last line here is so true – many people travel with their eyes, if not completely closed, then at least partially blinded to what is around them. Expectations and reality rarely (if ever) meet.

      Cheers 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great read, and oh so true…… it is so important to at least try and adapt and it will take me a few more years to do just that. I dont understand people who moan and groan about living somewhere foreign, I think if it gets to that point (of moaning and groaning) then they should really go home 😉 Cheers


    1. Don’t get me wrong there are plenty of things to moan about. I’m just not sure that someone speaking not speaking English in a country that isn’t English speaking is justified. Thanks for saying hello 🙂


  3. This is so true- I feel embarrassed when I don’t know the language, and feel bad when people try to speak English, because I have chosen to be in their country.
    Great article! Some Expats could learn from reading this.


    1. Oh thanks for the compliment. One of the people I follow (based in Singapore) wrote about how much of a bore it was to explain to the help how to cook complicated French food. “Why can’t this underpaid Filipino migrant worker get it?” was the general tone.

      It seems that some people just can’t help themselves.

      Suffice to say I no longer follow that blog…


  4. First of all, thanks for following and liking some of my posts. I can relate to this.

    We were in France earlier this year and had heard so much about poor service, rude waiters, sloppy service etc etc. We were there for 12 or 13 days. How many rude waiters did we meet? Not one! In fact they went out of their way to explain to us the ingredients, “oh that’s a cheese”, “ah no, you won’t like that! It’s a very French thing, entrails of a sheep..” In one spectacular case, the one waiter we met whose English was not very good, made animal impressions to help explain, much to everyone’s general amusement. We were driving around in Normandy and were stuck in a massive 14km traffic jam on the highway heading to the D-Day celebrations. We finally inched our way off the next exit and were parked at a crossroads wondering where to go, when this French driver passing by waved to us to follow him. He took us through farms and back roads right into the parking lot less than 10 minutes later. So much for rude French people. Myth!

    We did not have any difficulty following along in Bangkok, we were there for a whole day, about 10 years ago.

    i think it starts with insecurity which is masked by smugness and arrogance.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Perception and reality are often different things but unfortunately stereotypes persist. The British are normally portrayed as reserved but, as Sir Ken Robinson quite rightly says “we’ve invaded every country we’ve encountered”.

      Cheers 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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